A Sudden Post

A post out of nowhere will come suddenly when I realise that something big has happened...

Actually, today is the 2nd last day of school for me.... not just in this semester.. or year 4, or NUS, but strictly speaking... my life as a student. It just hit me a few hours ago... after finishing the FYP final presentation (which means that the FYP is 100% over). Before today ended, I was just rushing and rushing and being sian about all the work and waiting for it to end... All of a sudden today its like... will i even see these ppl again (my classmates)? Then.. like "will i even come back to the same rooms, the same buildings, walk along the same corridors?" Or... will there be another time in my life when i'm doing tutorials and projects with fellow classmates? Will i ever walk around the ARTS faculty area seeing USP ppl around everywhere and feeling the totally differing culture from science? Probably not. Its the end of all the freezing lecture rooms and ultra boring lessons (this one is good riddance) which are like 6 hours back to back with no break, starting from 8am, etc.... And the end of eating the canteen food which we are rather sick of... and the end of the relatively low responsibility days where we can just skip lessons at will and still do ok for exams, and not hand up homework if the weigtage is low enough. Where, when the lectures are over, I can go anywhere I want and afford to waste time simply cos the deadlines are not near yet. Sometimes... and mostly its at times like these... when you realise how much life is going to change... and suddenly the memories become nostalgic, even though a day ago you couldnt wait to get out of there.... what a time to reminise about the past 4 years..

Well... today is such a time... actually, I completely empathise with what I felt in the time from year 1 till yesterday.. and I still think the same way (that I don't like school)... but.. being such a sentimental person.. it seems that there are some things that I'll miss after all.... likely to be the freedom and lack of pressure (being more or less only responsible for your own things)... and maybe 1 or 2 slightly more interesting modules, as well as being able to tell ppl how ridiculously difficult physics is and the funny characters I meet...

But I guess, what really struck me was that there are some people whom I may never get to see again, and some people, though I will still get to see them, I may not have the same chances to interact with them in the same way... Its like just this feeling of like: "you mean thats all? thats all its going to be after suffering together for 4 years, its just going to be a simple "see you around" and we'll part ways for good?" It just seemed very unsatisfying and unfulfilling... something seemed to be missing from these relationships... something just seemed wrong or problematic with the idea of having friends and doing stuff together while it was economical or convenient or mutually benefitial, and then to stop contact once that was over. You can say that its not actually breaking of contact, but we all know what happens generally to schoolmates after graduation (except for a few)... Something in me just had this desire for relationships to last indefinitely... like the ending of any relationship is not desirable, even sad.. yet.. I know its inevitable that the nature of all these relationships is going to change.

How can I reconcile these? Is there a way, or something that can be done such that we know it was not all meaningless? I mean.. isnt it rather meaningless to make friends and then lose them a few years later? I believe that it is somewhat.. so besides trying as much as possible to keep in contact... I came to this conclusion that temporary relationships wouldnt be meaningless if there was an eternal component in them. Temporary vs. eternal. If something positive that can last for eternity can come into these relationships, then there would be true meaning - it wouldnt all be for nothing. And I guess.. the only way is to introduce my friends to God. Even if they didnt accept Him as Lord, I would have planted a seed in them that could grow into making an eternal impact. The relationships would be for something - worth something - instead of nothing. And if they came to know Christ the value of the relationship will immediately jump from 0 to an eternal one.. Oh how I desire that for my friends now! To be able to exchange something that is of temporal worth for something that has infinite worth and happiness included - that, I believe, will really make these years count.

Looking back, I am so thankful to God for mercifully putting some friends into my life in the physics cohort and in other modules that I have somewhat been able to talk to about Him occasionally. Its like.... sometimes I am so slack in trying to share the gospel to them, but some ppl actually come to me and ask by themselves! Thankfully, they do notice some differences about my life (some!) and seem interested to know more about Christianity... but I really feel that I havent been doing enough for my friends, probably too focused on my own feelings about school, etc.. Mainly, I regret not getting more involved in the lives of some other physics majors... and taking more chances to tell them about God... so i'll try to grab what chances i have left these few weeks while there's still reason to contact each other... and.. hopefully with God's help, I'll do better the next stage of life... if you can, pray a short prayer now for me and my friends that I can do my best to introduce God to them....

If you're a uni student and you're reading this, I hope what I just said makes sense to you, and that it'll inspire you to do the same for the people who are around you now.. life is short - studies are just a stage of life. 10 or 20 years later, which of the things you do now will really matter? What about 100 years later?? 1000 years later? Will the grades matter? Or whether you get the module you wanted - will it matter anymore? Hope that this little sharing on some of my thoughts today will be helpful or insightful to someone somewhere.... Actually, it applies to everyone and not just uni students... Life is short - make every moment count for eternity... May God help us to keep this in mind daily - whats truly important and significant.....

Ok... anyway... there're still more thoughts and reflections on the past 4 years in general... those will come probably after my exams... meanwhile... its another break for my blog, i guess.. till the next inspiration.... =]